Today was a day that would be surrounded by uncertainties,
obligations, misunderstandings, hope and adventure. It was on this day, that I
decide to visit a Buddhist meditation ceremony. Actually, I did not know that I
would be attending a ceremony, when I discovered this group; I thought it was
going to be a class on meditation (with hint of Buddhism). More recently after
visiting the Cancer Treatment Centers of America CTCA, I have become interested
in the art of meditation. This infatuation is what motivated me to seek a local
meditation group on the internet. I am
not a stranger to different religions and faiths and before I joined church 13
years ago, I made it a point to study as many religions as possible. I did not
want to join something without knowing what else was available to me. I have also had formal learning, such as a
couple undergrad classes on Indian culture. This background, allowed me to
enter this meeting today knowing that attending a Buddhist ceremony would not be
scary nor would not be a threat to my own personal spirituality. I subscribe to
the belief; that if you have “paper faith” that is at risk of dissipating if
presented with new experiences, it would be a good idea to reassess your
spirituality. I have a god that loves free choice and free thinkers.
This experience is worthy of a blog not because I attended
this ceremony, it deserves mentioning because my friend, Tonia, agreed to meet
me there. It was both our intentions to meet and learn more about meditation;
we did not know that they would be conducting a Buddhist death ceremony today.
This was a shock and I was lucky that we arrived in separate cars because if
Tonia had driven she might have left me there looking for a ride home. Her
frustration was evident when the instructor presented the list of prayers we
were to recite. It was during this time that she turned toward me and mouthed the
words “I am going to kill you”.
It was at this point that I felt guilty because I had not
taken into account how much of a cultural shock this was going to be for her. This
was a death ceremony for insects, pets, animals and love ones who had passed
away. When this information was reveal, I was waiting for Tonia to grab her
keys and head for the door. To my surprise, she stayed, took off her shoes and
began to actively listen to what was being said. It was at this point that I
realize that Tonia was open-minded. This is a characteristic that many patients
have to adapt when faced with challenging diagnosis. For it is during these
times, that many physicians are forced to present alternative plans of care for
these patients. Today’s events reminded me of the interaction I had at CTCA,
after meeting my naturopathic doctor Summer Baptist, ND,L.Ac. When
she presented me with her plan, she was surprise that I was open minded enough
to listen. She later told me that there are many patients who turn a deaf ear
toward alternative treatment.
Meeting Dr. Baptist along and Tiffany, my Mind and Body
therapist, was a life altering experience for me. It is because of these meetings,
that I have begun to look at different life possibilities, including not living
a life that is constrained by fears, regrets and lost opportunities. I am
determined to seek a holistic approach to living. This has become my new goal and
if I have friends and family who are not willing to travel his journey with me,
then I will gladly wave at them as my mystical train leaves the station. I
cannot tell you where this journey will lead me however I feel this is one I
must take. I have lived many years bowing to societal norms however; we only
have one existence so why not live for ourselves.
What I found
extremely interesting and moving, was the fact that most of the participants
there, had lost family and friends because of the spiritual decisions they had
made. This was a decision to follow their hearts, to become Buddhists, and many
members of their family and friends could not accept their newfound happiness.
Some of the participants even spoke of having to hide the fact they were
Buddhist as well as concealing their spiritual commitments. During the ceremony,
I witnessed one of the ladies getting emotional as she remembered the death of
her mother, who had passed on earlier this year. She stated that when her
mother died in June, she died without knowing that her daughter was a Buddhist.
She felt that sharing this would have added an unneeded burden on her mother. I
was moved by her love and compassion but could not help thinking of the lack of
closure she was now burden with.
Tonight as I
reminisce over today’s events and what lesson(s) I might have learned, I arrive
at the conclusion that freedom is not free for everyone and there are still
people out there who cannot express their inner passions. I am thankful tonight
that I live in an environment where I can express myself openly. I take pride
in the fact that I am at a place in my existence, where I do not solicit the
approval of others. Tonight I am thankful that I have friends like Tonia, who are
willing to step out of their comfort zones to support a friend. I know that
some of my other friends might declare “I will support you, but I will not
visit a Buddhist ceremony”. Today’s lesson was “Sometimes being there means,
you actually have to BE THERE..”
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