I understand that
there may be people, who feel that is not wise to write about something as personal as cancer. These people may even feel that it is a
private affair and should not be publicized. I would respectfully disagree and
postulate that exposure of fearful things can rob them of the power and the
hold that they may have over us. I also believe that it would be really
selfish of me to hide information that I have learned, from future victims. As I look back on the
first few days of my journey, I remember how useful a good support system would have
been for me; unfortunately I was forced to face it alone. I did have family and
friends however I did not have anyone who had been down the same road that I was now on. I had a clandestine list of folks who were survivors however they were silent and refused to share. The first 48 hours of my diagnosis were the hardest moments of my life. It was in these moments that my plans felt derailed. I was left with a medical team that hide their emotions behind the professional opinions.
This journey began with a test called a colonoscopy. It was on this day, that the doctor's gave me my shocking and life altering diagnosis. After I was given the news, I had to take the longest drive of my life. (and I have a manual transmission). My initial response was, disbelief, because I was a person who had never been sick a day in my life. I thought "there must be some mistake, surely you are reading the wrong chart".
This journey began with a test called a colonoscopy. It was on this day, that the doctor's gave me my shocking and life altering diagnosis. After I was given the news, I had to take the longest drive of my life. (and I have a manual transmission). My initial response was, disbelief, because I was a person who had never been sick a day in my life. I thought "there must be some mistake, surely you are reading the wrong chart".
That
was the truth, I did feel healthy. I had not lost any weight, I had no swollen
lymph nodes nor had I experienced any other signs or symptoms of cancer. The
only thing that was standing between me and my future dreams was pictures of a
couple of black spots in my colon. (I noticed these spots on the monitor as the doctor poked and jabbed). During my procedure, he paid so much attention to these spots, so I knew that it was something serious. I knew this long before he
walked over to my side of the bed and told me that it was a tumor. When he declared his findings to me, I began to remember the last five years of my life and how I had asked my primary physician for a colonoscopy referral and each time I asked, she had denied me. She stated that I was too young to have this
procedure and that the chances of me having colon cancer were extremely rare.
She suggested that I wait till my 50th birthday before I have a
screening done. This memory, made me angry because if she had taken me seriously I might not be facing possible death now. I remember the words of my deceased mother when she used to say "doctor's don't know everything" and If I had continued to trust my physician and waited eight more years I would
not be writing this blog today.
The moral of this part of the story is to be aware of what’s going on in your body, and to not to settle for pacifying answers from your health care provider. I was determined to find out, regardless of what other people told me because I was the only one that would have to live with my doctor's decisions. I just knew something urgent was happening in my body and my first surgeon confirmed this when he told me that “ my tumor had to be removed not only because it was cancerous, it had to be removed because it was obstructing my bowel”. He went on to say within 6 months my bowels would have most likely exploded causes me to die instantly. This is why the first surgery was so important.
The journey had begun and for the next three weeks my spiritual life would be tested along with the loyalty of the friends I had gained throughout the years. I was not prepared for this test nor was it one that I welcome. I recall a fellow cancer survivor telling me “that this diagnosis will be the one event that will change you for the rest of your life, it will cause you to see the good in everything and ignore the bad in most things".
The moral of this part of the story is to be aware of what’s going on in your body, and to not to settle for pacifying answers from your health care provider. I was determined to find out, regardless of what other people told me because I was the only one that would have to live with my doctor's decisions. I just knew something urgent was happening in my body and my first surgeon confirmed this when he told me that “ my tumor had to be removed not only because it was cancerous, it had to be removed because it was obstructing my bowel”. He went on to say within 6 months my bowels would have most likely exploded causes me to die instantly. This is why the first surgery was so important.
The journey had begun and for the next three weeks my spiritual life would be tested along with the loyalty of the friends I had gained throughout the years. I was not prepared for this test nor was it one that I welcome. I recall a fellow cancer survivor telling me “that this diagnosis will be the one event that will change you for the rest of your life, it will cause you to see the good in everything and ignore the bad in most things".
